Contentment

Every now and again I see a really good blog post by Mark Sisson at Mark’s Daily Apple. When I see such a post and it expresses my own personal perspective, I like to share it with my audience. I am not taking any credit for this post it’s all Mark’s work and the links below are live so you may click through to Mark’s other content.

BLOG |PRIMAL KITCHEN |PRIMAL BLUEPRINT

Good morning, everybody.There was a good article in The
Atlantic recently. You might have seen it.

Apparently, as the average American home is getting larger and getting larger, we’re not getting any happier for having all that space. We upgrade our expectations along with our square footage, so we never quite reach “content.” We get used to the new space and soon end up looking for something else. And we compare ourselves endlessly to others. As soon as the neighbors add a second story or get a new car, we feel less satisfied with our own.

It’s the classic “keeping up with the Joneses.” These days, however, we not only compare ourselves and our possessions to our neighbors, we compare our lives to the glamorous, filtered, and curated lives of billions of people on social media.

Our internal happiness set point never really budges. The needle flickers when you get the new car or promotion, but it quickly evens out (especially when you see what everyone else has), and you’re back to square one. No one beats the hedonic treadmill.

And—this might be the most crucial part of all—we compare ourselves and our possessions and our accomplishments to the imagined lives of our future selves. Sure, you got the awesome new house with 2500 square feet of living space, but what if you got an even awesomer house with 3500 square feet of living space? How can you sit there and be content with what you have when greener pastures await?

As people interested in self-improvement (and I’m guessing most of my readers are), you face a quandary:

How do you pursue self-improvement without falling into the trap of perpetual dissatisfaction? How do you practice contentment and achieve happiness without getting stuck or settling? How do you actually move the needle on your internal set point and make it stick?

One thing I’ve realized over the years, living through plenty of external failure and external success:

External changes in our circumstances will never alter our inner set point. And most people don’t do the internal work that will actually move the needle.

I’ll be the first to say that it looks different for everyone, but I’m guessing the fundamentals end up more or less the same. 

Can I accept where I’m at right now? This isn’t a placation or long-term acquiescence to never move beyond where I’m at. Hardly. I just consider it a cease fire. It means I’m not going to put energy into resistance and resentment. In my experience, this frees up a lot of time and stamina for actual plans that will move my life forward—without dragging an emotional ball and chain behind me. It also allows me to be grateful for what I have today, and I find gratitude energizing.

Am I taking responsibility? Maybe the circumstances I’m in were under my control, or maybe they weren’t. At this point, it doesn’t matter. I think people waste too much time wringing their hands over the past. What is always under my control is my energy—specifically, my emotional energy and how I apply it.

Am I taking responsibility? Maybe the circumstances I’m in were under my control, or maybe they weren’t. At this point, it doesn’t matter. I think people waste too much time wringing their hands over the past. What is always under my control is my energy—specifically, my emotional energy and how I apply it.

Do I cultivate a mindset of self-discovery? I’m not talking about solipsistic navel-gazing that inflates my ego or isolates me from the rest of the world. What I mean here is maintaining a curiosity of self. Do I know everything there is to know about me? I hope not. The day I decide I there’s nothing more to learn about how I see the world or what I’m capable of, I might as well pack it in.

Figuring out how those fundamentals manifest for you is the real business of contentment—in my experience. And then, of course, living . them (the work of a lifetime really)…

How have you moved the needle for yourself? What kinds of practices have lasting effects? What kinds do not?Let me know your thoughts in the comment section of this week’s Weekly Link Love.

And enjoy your Sunday.